365 Haikus Day 1

Where did the snow go?

I want to rock out in shorts

So I can "wow" you. 

TTYN Paris

Ok, I'm gonna to talk about something other than swine flu, seeing as though the fear mongering news broadcasts have already done a good job of that. But instead I'm talk to you guys about the show "Paris Hilton's British Best Friend". 

Yes you heard me right, I  was actually bored enough to go ahead and venture with Paris for her quest to find a friend. Yeah, honestly there's not a lot to say about this show. It's almost like the Bachelor, where contestants go through various challenges to gain Paris' trust. 

First off, you know you have serious issues when you have to turn to reality television to find a friend. Second, it's reality television, so I can almost guarantee you that the show is 90% fake. Lastly, if this show is fake, the least you could ever do is make it seem real, like honestly Paris cannot act to save her life. A perfect example of this was when Paris has to chose which contestant had to go home. Like everyone is balling their eyes out because they're gonna have to say good-bye one of their friends, which seemed believable...to an extent of coarse. But when the camera zooms in on Paris' face, all she could muster is a line (that's supposed to filled with raw emotion) that sounded so lifeless and dead (like Paris' acting career BA ZING) it make me laugh soo hard it left me in stitches.

Let's be honest here Paris, the contestants don't really want to be your friend, they're all in it so they can get their 15 mins of fame. I could probably bet you some of the really obnoxious and flamboyant contestants already have their own reality tv show by now. 

*Sigh* Can't imagine where Paris will go to next to search for a friend: Paris (it would be fitting), Mexico (Do the world a favor and go to Mexico...like now), maybe Russia? Who knows. 

Mike

Yay for kids meals

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rm6d2oy8GRk

Is it just me or does the Burger King mascot look like a serial killer in the making?

Are porn stars the new role models?

According Fox's Conservative commentator, Sean Hannity, Kim Kardashian, star of the show "Keeping Up With The Kardashians", is considered to be a perfect role model for girls. 

...You hear that ladies and gentlemen? That's the sound of every single dooms day alarm in the world. Seriously? Just when I was about to consider Fox News as a credible news broadcaster (HA only kidding), they go out and pull a stunt like this. Calling Kim Kardashian a good role model is like kicking a 3 legged cat onto the highway, where it is run over by a tanker, which blows up right in front of your eyes; because in the end everyone around is gonna say "What the fuck dude." 

I guess it slipped Mr. Hannity's mind that Kim actually had a sex tape floating around on the interwebs (with Ray J of all people) and he seemed almost surprised by the fact that Kim posed nude for Playboy a while back.

But here's the kicker, Hannity claims that Kim is a role model based on the fact that she doesn't booze up like Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan. Wow, so does this mean having I can fornicate with any woman I want and still be considered for sainthood, so long as I don't get plastered at Vinyl? 

Good lord, this just goes to show how bias (I'll explain this some other time...damn you Bill O'Reilly), misinformed, and BS ridden Fox News is. So here's a pleasant little "fuck you" to Fox News, because honestly, you guys claim to broadcast "news" but all I'm hearing is incoherent bullshit. 

Mike

Some striking new revelations

-The Mexican zombies are coming

-The old school James Bond films are so bad ass...like DAMN 

-MGS4 is fucking epic, though it pains me to say that

And lastly...

-I am absolutely head over heels for you 

Now onto to building my class schedule for next year FML

-Mike

This is for all of the ladies out there

- We think you ladies are complicated

- If you stop talking to us for a certain amount of time, we go into panic mode. 

- some of you ladies do this to "test" us or to simply see if we're actually interested in you.

But I speak for every guy out there when I say "Please stop this" because it confuses the hell

out of us.

- It's always good to be upfront sometimes, that way we don't have to keep guessing 

- It would be great if we didn't always have to make the first move. Honestly some of us go crazy (in a good way) when you gals make the first move

The Pig Sickness

Take your paws off me you damn dirty pigs!

So yeah this whole swine flu thing is getting a little out of control. For fucks sakes people you're supposed to treat this thing as if it were a regular flu. Wash your hands and don't come into contact with anyone who's infected, oh and DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. I swear, if you do leave...*breathes*....lets just say that dying from the flu won't be your biggest concern. 

The zombie apocalypse is nigh!

Let's be serious, news about this whole swine flu is just a cover up for the zombie apocalypse. That's right, the zombie-mother-fucking-apocalypse. I mean the government just invented this whole swine flu story to help keep the global community calm and for good reason too, the last thing we need is mass panic on a global scale. 

Here's the situation so far: 

- From the looks of it, it all originated in Mexico (Note to self, stay away from Taco Bell)

- Several cases of "swine flu" are beginning to show up in the US (Obviously the border patrol has failed us all)

- "Swine flu" has already spread to Europe (Now we have to worry about the French zombies) 

  - As a side note: if the infection spreads to India and/or China, we are absolutely screwed 

Don't panic just yet, it seems the infection is in it's early stages and from the looks of it, it can be contained and eradicated. But then again there is the odd chance that news of this will break out and everyone that hears about it will suddenly put their "Zombie Apocalypse Plan" into action, possibly resulting in mass hysteria and looting on a world wide scale. 

I myself have a Zombie Plan: 

- Steal the SUV (My parents won't exactly care seeing as though this will go down during the summer AND I'll be alone at home when the dead rise) 

- Tell family and friends to meet me at the army garrison 

- On my way to the garrison, I loot various grocery stores and gas stations for supplies

- When I meet up with everyone at the garrison, we (politely) ask the soldiers there for weapons 

- Head north to either Alaska or Yukon

- Wait till things die down for a bit, then join the Zombie Resistance and become a Zombie hunter

Honestly, I kinda wish we're just dealing with actual swine flu rather than have the Zombie Apocalypse rain down upon us. But then again what better way to pass the time than to put a gun to the zombified head of your former boss who would rather have a smoke for God knows how long than to help you wash the dishes, resulting in you staying 30 mins after the store closes. *breathe in* *breathe out*

Fuck it, bring on the Zombies *Loads imaginary shotgun* 

Aftermath

You know, it feels so weird finishing school this early. I'm not taking any spring classes so I've pretty much got this 4 month long summer vacation, which is pretty wicked mind you but you know its feels kinda overwhelming with the amount of free time I'm given. I'm definitely gonna work my ass off (once I get a job) and definitely stoked to work on this play Zvon and I are gonna pen and not to mention the fact I'm gonna part hardy most of the time. But still, a part of me misses the 2 month summer vacations, I guess it's because I feel, I dunno, busier you know. Having to balance school and other activities has allowed me to feel more in line and less slacked. I dunno maybe it's just me 

Milking the musical cash cow

When Activision's Guitar Hero to the market, gamers and critics went nuts over how fresh, innovative, and how awesome the game was. Then came along Guitar Hero 2, which I thought was the best of the series, and blew everyones minds. Years later, EA stepped into the world of rhythm games with Rock Band and people once again went totally bananas over how innovative and fun it is. Then the sequels came along. 

One thing that kinda irks me when it comes to the gaming industry, besides the numerous amounts of sports games (I'm looking at you Madden), is the fact that big name gaming industries always try to milk their beloved titles for what it's worth and as a result the quality of the game suffers. Prime examples include, the Lego series (OK honestly you guys should've stopped at Lego Starwars, because after that every other game is pretty much the same shit just with a different franchise) and aforementioned rhythm games like Rock Band and its sequel, Rock Band 2(the playlists nowadays suck ass). And it was only a matter of time before these two big name titles collided to create, Lego Rock Band. 

Ok guys w t fuck. Words cannot even fathom how pissed I am. 

GAH 

-Mike

I am a volcano and you are the small village right beside me...

"If your sister was in your position, we wouldn't have a problem because she's a girl" 

"Drama is useless"

I was speechless. Never in my entire life would I thought to have hated you guys this much. But here I am pissed as shit. And now that you guys angered the bull you're gonna get the horns. Once I'm done in Uni, I'm gonna leave and never come back and then actually make a name for myself. So enjoy your victory while it lasts, because I'm gonna make it my goal in life to see that I get the last laugh. 

Yours truly

Your son